Broken Promises… the post that needs to go viral

It's been less than 24 hours since my last post…and generally I like to space my blog posts apart a few days to give everyone a chance to read them.

But my friend Katrina Morris just sent me her guest post for tomorrow. And I read it through tears and thought - there is no way I can wait another day to post this.

Friends, have you ever heard the expression "going viral" ? It's a phrase used to describe something on the internet that just takes off- someone reads it and forwards it to a friend, or tweets about it, or mentions it on their blog - and before you know it, everyone is talking about it.

That's what needs to happen with this post. These words, written by Katrina Morris, need to be shouted from the rooftops. They need to be headlined in today's paper, tweeted and retweeted, shared on Facebook, linked to, emailed, texted, instagrammed- whatever. They need to be heard.

There are over 370,00 documented orphans living in state-run institutions in Russia today. As of one year ago, those children - many of whom are there due to Down syndrome or other special needs - are no longer available for US adoption. The Russian adoption ban has been in effect for 14 months now, and I don't think a month has gone by that Katrina has not kept me updated about the efforts of so many to reverse it. It would take a miracle to reverse it… and some would say that miracle will never happen.

But what if we all sat back and said the same about the fate of all forgotten children in the world ? What if those who cared throughout our nation's history said the same about injustice when they saw it - it will take a miracle, so we can't do anything. What if - when faced with cultural obstacles that seemed insurmountable - we all just buried our heads in the sand ?

I don't want to bury my head in the sand when it comes to Russian's forgotten children.

I will not forget.

Will you join me in praying for the orphans of Russia ? Will you help spread the word about this post, and about the efforts of Katrina Morris and many like her ? Will you join me in vowing not to forget Natasha, and Albina, and Artem, and so many others like them … Russia's forgotten children ?

********************

Broken Promises

Have you ever broken a promise you made to a child?

One that you most definitely intended to keep, but circumstances beyond your

control kept you from following through with?

On July 20, 2012 I made a promise to a sweet little 6 year old girl

with Down syndrome living in a Russian orphanage. 

I looked into her tear filled eyes on our last visit and promised her I would be back. 

I was not alone in making that promise. 

I know at least 300 other parents who made the same promises and 

were not allowed to keep them. 

We left children wondering what they did wrong and why they had 

been abandoned once again. 

Some will say we shouldn't have made them these promises when 

so many things in international adoption are unknown. 

A lot of these children were older and their caregivers had told them a 

mommy and a daddy were coming to visit them. 

Most of the children had never had visitors before and they knew that if 

someone came to visit you most likely it was because

they wanted to take you home to be part of their family. 

Since the ban happened in December 2012

I have thought about little else than how I could keep the 

promise I made to Natasha on that day in July. 

I have traveled with other stuck families to Washington DC where we begged our 

congress to speak up on the children's behalf. 

We asked them to change the way things were done with overseeing

previous adoptions and to help negotiate different terms with our 

adoptions to help ease the minds of Russian officials. 

We begged our President to speak with President Putin 

to figure out some way to allow these children to come home. 

No matter what we have done or said we have been 

told to go away or have been ignored. 

Most of the time our government places the blame on the
Russian government not being willing to negotiate. 

There have been times I have wanted to give up. 

Times when the horrible comments and hate filled remarks 

have left me exhausted. 

Then I remember this little face

and the promise I made her. 

And when I think about giving up I think about how

she and others like her have endure much more physically 

and emotionally than I have ever had to even think of enduring. 

So I have developed thicker skin and continue to fight.

Recently I returned to Russia. 

I have made friends with a few Russian journalists

and a documentary team. 

I had talked to them about wanting to find a Russian family to adopt Natasha.

If I wasn't allowed to come back for her the least I could do would be 

find someone else who could provide her with a family. 

They suggested the best way to get the attention of the Russian people would 

be to travel there and do interviews but warned me that 

the chances of a Russian family being willing or able to care for a child like Natasha

would be very slim. 

I was very excited to be able to visit an incredible organization called Downside Up.

This organization is trying to change the way Russia perceives children with Ds.

They are helping families get the resources they need to keep their children, 

instead of feeling the only option they have is to give them up to orphanages. 

While I was visiting  Downside Up I had a camera crew following me around. 

It was a little nerve wracking, but I am hopeful any publicity brought to this wonderful 

organization will help make changes for these precious children. 

Unfortunately, I recently found out my segment may never air, as Rain TV is being 

banned from Russian cable. 

It was one of the last independent TV stations not run by the Russian government. 

Downside Up told me if a Russian family did step forward to adopt Natasha they 

would help them understand the challenges they will face and provide them with 

any resources they have to help. 

I held myself together pretty well during my time with the children. 

This precious little girl asked me to sit next to her. 

She tried to share her cookie with me and kept kissing me on the cheek. 

After my visit with the children I went downstairs to be interviewed. 

My sweet journalist asked me how I was holding up, and it was then that I completely lost it. 

You know that big ugly cry when your whole body shakes and you make noises 

that sound something like a wild animal would make. 

I just couldn't help but think of all the sweet babies in orphanages

who were locked away and missing out on this very opportunity. 

Of my own sweet little Natasha who gets good daily care, but has never had

a mom or dad of her own to love and fight for her. 

I cannot say enough good things about Downside Up and hope you 

all take the time to go like their FB page. 

https://www.facebook.com/DownsideUp.org

I will never forget the few hours I spent there and the amazing people  I 

was able to meet. 

They need our love and support to keep progressing and making 

changes for the children in Russia. 

I do not know if any of my interviews in Russia will help Natasha get a family. 

I still pray every day that something will change and somehow 

 these two powerful leaders will grow up and come together

for the good of the children left behind. 

I made a collage of some of the children that are still left in orphanages

a year after the ban. 

The Olympics have been very painful for me to watch. 

I look at these sweet faces and wonder why they have been forgotten. 

You hear stories about dogs being killed

gay and lesbian rights 

yogurt being denied to athletes

but nothing about the forgotten children. 

Please help us in remembering them. 

Don't let them be forgotten in all the Olympic hype. 

You can go here to share this picture on FB. 

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10202775412602644&set=a.1597989825883.2087404.1120125577&type=1&theater

I have also included links to stories that have been written about 

Natasha and me in English and in Russian in case anyone wants to read more. 

Thank you Patti, for allowing me to guest blog today on behalf of these beautiful children. 

Praying that someday they will all have loving families

whether in Russia, another foreign country or the US. 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/europe/us-mother-seeks-russian-parents-for-the-girl-a-law-prevented-her-from-adopting/2014/02/03/53d077ea-8b36-11e3-a5bd-844629433ba3_story.html

http://www.aif.ru/society/opinion/1099665

http://novayagazeta.spb.ru/articles/8265/

http://operationorphannomore.blogspot.com/2013/12/so-many-stories.html

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New Born Baby

balance…and grace

Dear Readers,


Over the past few weeks I have received a number of emails asking some of the same hard questions that I've asked other mamas in the past … those questions, for the most part, are centered around one thing : balance.

How do we balance what we need to do (or think we need to do) for our children with special needs, with all of our other responsibilities ? And how do we balance all of those other responsibilities - as a parent, wife, friend, etc. - without feeling overwhelmed by it all ?

This is obviously a larger topic than can be addressed in one blog post. And I know that the answers to those questions are going to vary from family to family - what may work for us could look entirely different for what works for another family.

So this post isn't meant to be the anecdote to how-to-balance-it-all, but rather one little piece of the puzzle. And it's not going to come as a shocker to any long-term readers, because it's something I've blogged about fairly regularly. In fact, the older I get, the more I have incorporated this word into my thinking and writing and personality and …. life.

snot mixed in with yogurt.. yum.

It's called grace.



The longer I am a Christian, the longer I am a mama, the longer I am a wife, a teacher, a friend, a minister's wife, a blogger, a daughter, a sister….you name it…  the more I find myself needing grace. Both for myself - because sometimes we can be very good at extending grace to others, but we are horrible at extending it to ourselves - and for those around me.


Grace, according to one definition is this :

a manifestation of favor, especially by a superior: It was only through the dean's grace that I wasn'texpelled from school.



And it's this :

favor or goodwill. Synonyms: kindness, kindliness, love, benignity; condescension.




And this :

mercy; clemency; pardon: For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--  not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8,9

those open outlets were covered up as soon as I noticed them in this photo. give me grace ;)

Grace isn't doing everything we know we shouldn't do, and then asking for forgiveness. It isn't offending everyone around us, and letting ourselves off the hook…or parenting without any attention to goals or standards or structure… or living life as though there are no consequences to our actions, because after all, "it's all about grace".



Grace is giving life - your kids, your husband perhaps, your friends, your obligations - giving life your very best …and then resting. Resting in the belief that God can work things through, that in our weakness His strength is made perfect. It's putting your heart into all that you do, and striving to please the Lord, BUT ------ in the end, your hope and confidence is in Jesus. It's allowing for mistakes to happen, because they will. It's realizing that even at our very absolute best, we are still not going to measure up. We just can't. We are human, and that means we are inherently flawed. If you don't believe me on this, have a baby. Watch that little person- without ANY help at all - throw a fit, decide to lie, hit his sibling, rip a book, scream in rage- our kids can and will do all of these things and more without ever being exposed to another child who does those things. It's in us. You can thank Adam and Eve - we were born with a propensity to fall short.

(I kid you not- as soon as I typed those words, Hayden ripped a library book behind me. Sigh.)

There, but for the grace of God, go I… we need grace.




So here are two snippets of the replies I sent to some very dear-to-my-heart readers. And again - I'm not claiming to know all the answers, or be any sort of expert on these things….the things that can drive us crazy as moms who just want to do our best,but we are often times just struggling to breathe. This isn't meant to be my pat answer on the subject of balance.

But I do hope that if you're in the middle of this battle to find balance, that these words can minister to you right where you're at.


Snippet #1 of an email I sent….

I think my best advice would be to go with your mama's instinct. Do what your family structure allows for, and do not beat yourself up about what you don't have time for. God gave that little girl to YOU for a reason…He knows what you are capable of, and He doesn't expect you to be supermom now that you have a baby with Down syndrome. If you find something that you really believe in, and have prayed about, or if you feel like God is steering you in a specific direction as far as therapy, go for it.

But really over four years, the conclusion I've come to, is that my job - overall- is to make sure Lily feels loved and happy and safe, and I don't need to be in any competition with other parents as far as how much help I'm getting my daughter. For instance- what if I found a fabulous speech therapist and paid them to come to my home twice a week - and in the process stressed our family out so much because of all the added dynamics that brought - all so that Lily could start talking better by age 4 instead of 5 ? And because of that added pressure and stress I was a less patient mom for my other 10 kids, and I was drained and overwhelmed … it's just not worth the trade off for me. God called me to be an excellent mama to Lily, yes- but He also called me to be the same excellent mama to the rest of my kids, and He's done the same for you… We can only do so much. We have the same amount of hours in the day that we did before we had our babies with special needs, and we cannot walk around feeling overwhelmed or guilty because we didn't get extra hours and strength added to our days now that we've added Down syndrome to the mix …we just have to have grace for ourselves.

I sure hope this didn't sound too wishy-washy or like I don't care how Lily progresses in life… the opposite is true ! I just wanted to encourage you to relax and trust yourself and enjoy your beautiful baby, and not take too much upon your own shoulders. I wish someone had said the same to me when Lily was an infant. Don't compare your baby to everyone else you see on blogs or in real life- God did create our babies to be themselves, and we don't get extra points in Heaven or here, for that matter, if they walk before their other peers with Down syndrome did ;)

 Snippet # two …

This is not probably any revelation to you, but sometimes it helps to be reminded : have grace for yourself. When the laundry is piling and everyone needs our attention , and we're battling exhaustion and emotions and a million "undone" things on our list of things to do, it is okay to lower our expectations. If you're anything like me, I have a tendency to be too much of a perfectionist around the house and in life in general... being a mom of many has forced me to release lots of areas to God and say " I can't handle this. This isn't getting done. I need Your grace."

And on a more practical note - are you getting any time alone for yourself ? For just (insert your name here !) ? 

It's like the thing they tell us on airplanes- put your own oxygen mask on first. If mama's lying gasping on the floor, she can't help anyone :) Whether that's paying a teen in church to come help supervise for a few hours a week (unless you have a teen at home ?) while you retreat to the bathtub for an hour... Or two or three...   Or having a weekly date night to look forward to ..  I hope you are getting time away.

Again , these are probably things you already know and do. But for me sometimes knowing and doing are two different things. I think that because "I know" I should have grace for myself I do it, when really I'm not. Or I think because "I know" I need time alone , that means I'm actually making it... And then I realize the only time I've left the house in the past two weeks was for church and errands. I never left for anything "fun" . (Church is fun, but usually not relaxing when you have a zillion kids to look after ;))

One final thought on this subject - it is very hard to have grace for yourself if you have not experienced the grace and forgiveness of a loving God. You can read my words and try to incorporate this type of thinking into your life, but if you don't have a relationship with God through the forgiveness of Jesus… it's an uphill battle. And there are those who do it on their own - who figure out how to have grace for themselves and everyone around them - without ever entering into a relationship with Christ. But the truth is, we will all die some day - there's no getting around it. We will all stand before God and give an account for our lives, and the way we lived them. We all have things in our lives that we've  failed in… I have an abundance. And I'm so glad I have a merciful and forgiving and yes - gracious - Father who is just waiting for me to come to Him, to humble my pride and say- I can't do this alone. I need Your forgiveness, and Your grace.




 If you don't have that, you can today…

If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. Romans 10:9,10

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16

In grace,


Patti

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New Born Baby

a little monday giveaway

Hello, Monday !

For some of us, Mondays need a little help to coax us into the notion that the weekend is over. Hayden probably falls into that category, but it's nothing that a sweet giveaway won't fix !!

These adorable slouch beanies were part of the prize pack Lily won in a dance competition on Instagram. We looooove them.

If you would like to be entered to win one of the adorable slouch beanies on sale @nicolasandreese, just leave a comment here saying you follow her on IG.

If you don't do Instagram, look what you're missing….

And also this :






**about the above video- he was going to make sure the roads were indeed treacherous , before he called off church. I call him The Eternal Optimist for a reason. And also - I snort when I laugh if I find something ridiculously humorous. 




So what are you waiting for ? You can follow us @aperfectlily on IG… and if you want to be entered in the giveaway, go follow @nicolasandreese and leave a comment here or on my giveaway post on IG telling me you follow @nicolasandreese….

….happy Monday !!

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New Born Baby

The Great Snowstorm of 2014

As I sit typing at the computer on this chilly Friday night, there is a blazing fire beside me, and a cooing baby playing with little bits of wood on the hearth below. The smell of turtle brownies (caramel and nut filled brownies…not turtle filled…just in case you needed to know…) is wafting in the air. A pregnant daughter-in-love and not-pregnant daughter are laughing and painting their nails, while Christmas music plays softly around us.



You read that right.

I normally wait til July to bring Bing back, but we have had a VIRTUAL BLIZZARD here in Corvallis the past two days. Which is a perfect excuse to torture my family with Jingle Bells and Deck the Halls and It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas…. because it really is. I am already plotting where we are going to put the tree next December, because that view in the picture above ?? It will make the perfect backdrop for a 12 footer, and I will not settle for anything shorter.



At the beginning of the week I texted my oldest sons and their wives, as well as Sam and Mackenzie, with this message : sledding party this Friday morning at The Rice Ranch. Hot cocoa and pancakes for all !!   I attached a screen shot of the weather forecast for the week from my phone - those little snowflakes on my weather app for Thursday and Friday and Saturday had caught my eye immediately that morning, and I was not going to waste one second in planning festivities accordingly.

I wish I could say that my adult children placed so much confidence in my weather forecasting skills - or at least the Apple weather app's weather forecasting skills - that they promptly bombarded me with a flurry of texts confirming their attendance…but the opposite was true. If my mind serves me correctly, Monique was the first of the doubting Thomases to respond with something to the tune of "Not going to happen. Well, maybe a dusting of snow, but nothing to write home about." The rest of the naysayers quickly chimed in, and I'm sorry to say not one of them had anything positive to say about my absolute and total faith in whoever decided to put little snowflakes on my Apple weather app that morning.

Call them Grinches, Scrooges, or whatever name you want… my family said there would NOT BE SNOW.


But strangely enough, we went from this…

to this….

…in a matter of 12 hours.


Thank you, Jack Frost  and Apple weather app, and also thank you God. Because I did pray for snow, so if you live anywhere in the Northwest, and you are the happy recipient of The Great Snowstorm of February 2014 - you can thank me too.


You're welcome.

That photo was taken last night off my bedroom balcony, and I kid you not- there is at least another foot of snow piled on top of the foot that was already there. And it's still snowing.


Oh ye of little faith …

After receiving a blizzard (haha) of texts and phone calls from repentant naysayers yesterday, I decided to forgive and forget.  We moved our sledding party to last night, as everyone had to work in the morning, and I changed my menu to Andy's skillet instead of pancakes - with piles of hot buttered English muffins and orange juice on the side. (If you haven't ever been here for Andy's skillet, it is a breakfast that our dear friend Andy Altringer used to make for us, back in the day. Think diced potatoes and crumbled bacon fried in a humongous skillet and tossed with eggs, and you've almost got it. Top with salsa and sour cream and sprinkle generously with green onions and you're there - Andy's skillet. Booyah.)

Anyhoot, Jason and Naomi had to make a little detour at the ER with little Miss Norah Jane…but after a breathing treatment and instructions to watch her closely through the night, they were able to join us for a night of food and fellowship. I love our big family, and I love everything that comes with it - loud, overlapping conversations, crazy laughter and mockery, endless stories and memories shared, and chaos….beautiful chaos.

I have a few other blurry and non-shareable photos of that chaos, because I could not get anyone to stop laughing or teasing long enough to pose nicely for a picture. But I also have a heart full of pictures to reflect upon in years to come…the night it dumped so much snow in February that we had a Christmas party.

Jason and Naomi and the kids left around eleven, and Josiah and Monique stayed the night… we were all a little hung over today, but it was worth it.

I spent the day doing laundry and more laundry…the kids spent the day creating more laundry (playing in the snow and coming back in, rinse, dry, repeat fifty times)… and Sam worked from home…

I opened all the blinds in the house so that everywhere I went I had a view of my prayed-for winter wonderland. I absolutely love how snow changes the look of everything….

The day was filled with so many good memories - snow football and snowball fights and snow shoveling -  as well as lots of down time indoors…

Tonight we're hosting Christmas Party in February Part Two… Abbi's brownies and an all night game of Monopoly are calling, so I'll end this post with just four little words that I've been joyfully proclaiming since yesterday …words that may be painful for my oldest children to hear, but it's a good lesson to remember none-the-less :

… Mama always knows best !!!

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New Born Baby

wake boarding, pedis, and slouch beanies, oh my!

It's Tuesday night...  Tyler and Jonathan have a basketball game, but Lily is sick. So I'm home with her...  and Abigail and Hayden stayed to keep us company. I hate missing my boys' games, because I am one of those hyper-competitive moms who loves to embarrass her kids by screaming loudly during every play. I stomp my feet wildly when the excitement is mounting, and I yell obscenities at the opposing team during free throws.


KIDDING.


That was a test. Were you really reading ???


Back to basketball. I'm bummed I'm not there. But I will take full advantage of this rare moment with only three children at home, and I will blog to my heart's content.


Just a word of warning : all of the photos in this post are off my phone. I didn't take any with the camera this past week, because I didn't feel like it. So I apologize ahead of time for the grainy and fuzzy quality... just pretend you are me  -  without reading glasses on  -  while you look at my pictures. (I just started wearing reading glasses and realized how very crisp and clear things are. I feel like a young girl again. In an old girl's body. Sigh.)


Here was the basketball game from last week...

We won by a few points. And Sam now holds the record of MEPMs. (Most Embarrassing Parent Moments.) Ask Naomi, Monique and Mackenzie. He knocked my previously held record out of the park. Boom goes the dynamite.

Moving on - remember my post a few days ago about Abigail's culinary skills ??

...the above photo is Jack, sinking his teeth into one of her scrumptious new creations - an oreo cupcake  with a deliciously light cream cheese frosting. Nom nom.

And because this post is a little random, the only constant theme being my fuzzy photos, I have to include this little gem...

...Lily is modeling a cute little puppy top from Target, as well as an adorable matching skirt and headband set from @littlegrand2 on Instagram. This set was a prize from the dance competition Lily won.


And here is another...

... that darling little slouch beanie is from @nicolasandreese on IG. There is a pink one for Lily on its way to our house, and I can't wait for it to get here !! #slouchbeaniesarethecutest #soaresleepingbabies

If there's anything I love as much as sleeping babies and slouch beanies, it's pedis and piggies.

I mean seriously - can you even handle the cuteness of those little toes ? I could eat them.

Lily was pretty proud of her pedi. I can't wait to take her to her first real pedi at a salon !

 Hayden is fascinated with my tub. For weeks he has been trying to figure out how he can catapult himself in there. See that cool lighted reed thingy in the vase on the right ? Sammy bought that for me in San Francisco in November. I want about ten more for the rest of my house, and a giant lit up tree for my front room. Okay, Sammy ? Sammy, are you reading this ???

As well as wake boarding in the bathtub, Hayden has taken up reading novellas. Junie B. Jones is a favorite. Right up there with War and Peace, as far as he's concerned. And have I mentioned I love him in stripes ? I do.

And hats.

At last count he had 28...I thought about staging an intervention with myself over this, but I don't think I would listen. There are some things in life you just can't have too much of.   Hats. Stripes. Chocolate. Christmas music. Cool lighted reed thingies. And exclamation points.
 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Told ya.

Oh and this girl. You just can't have too much of her.

See what I mean ? It's impossible to overload on her.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY TUESDAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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New Born Baby